Why Victims Stay
Related Links
Many abused people do seek help, but their complaints may be ignored, minimized or dismissed by others including police, coworkers and even family members.
Many people not involved with an abusive partner say that if their partners ever harmed them, they would leave. Many battered victims remember the same resolve. Why do they stay?
Fear and Trauma
- Belief that the abuser will kill them if they leave
- Memories of previous violent events when they tried to leave
- Threats to take the kids or to harm another family member
Lack of Resources
- No money, clothing or housing
- Lack of transportation
- No child care
- Lack of support from friends, coworkers and family
Family Responsibilities
- Wanting the children to have a father (or mother)
- Wanting to be a good spouse
- Not wanting to disappoint other family members
- Caring for elderly parents or disabled family members
Emotions and Beliefs
- Deep commitment and love for a partner
- Hope that the abuser will change
- Religious beliefs regarding marriage
- Lowered self-esteem
- Confusion
- Depression or anxiety
- Guilt or shame
Dangers in Leaving
- Abusers may escalate violence to force a reconciliation
- Abusers may retaliate for the victims' departure
- Many victims are killed after they have left or separated
When a Victim Leaves an Abusive Relationship
Leaving is a process and requires strategic planning and comprehensive legal interventions to safeguard victims and their families. Most victims leave and return several times before permanently separating from the abuser. But most battered women do leave eventually.
Victims can use a variety of strategies to be safer when they leave, such as:
- Restraining orders
- Shelters
- Community resources to assist them in beginning a new life
Economic supports, job training and employment opportunities are essential for success in leaving an abusive situation. Victims may get income from support awards in protection orders.
